bel_esprit84

06:50 pm: Less than two weeks...
So I will be a Susquehanna graduate in under two weeks. Tomorrow is the last day of classes. Time sure does fly. My feelings about graduation are mixed. I may or may not update more about that some other time.

I keep forgetting that my livejournal exists. While I think I've just outgrown making constant updates, I do think it is still a nice way to keep record of the happenings in my life. A year or two from now I may look back on this entry with great interest (or not). It also may be more important to me once I graduate, if I use it to keep in touch with friends. We'll see.

I found out that classes start at Notre Dame on August 22nd! That's crazy. I'm a little bummed that it will cut my summer short by a week. I still have to figure out where I'm going to live and all that fun stuff.

There is a little spider here in the psych computer lab and it keeps crawling up near my desk. Yuck.

Today I had my last Bailey conference ever. Awww. Despite his sometimes overbearing enthusiasm, Bailey is a good guy. His support and encouragement definitely had a positive impact on my writing. I must say that I respect his passion for writing. Maybe he'll get really famous and I'll get to tell people I had a bunch of classes with him...haha. At least the last conference went well, and he really likes the latest story I'm working on. So yeah, thanks Bailey.

I'm probably going to buy my plane ticket this week to the Dominican Republic. I can't WAIT for the trip. Erin's timeshare looks amazing from the pics I've seen, plus I get a week in the Carribean for just airfare and spending money. Woo hoo!! I <3 Erin, my soul sister. Now if only we had gotten to know eachother a couple years earlier.

Well, I think that is about all. I will be happy for finals to end and all the work to be done. Then I can play during senior week. Toodles.

02:46 pm: Yippeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
I'm so excited right now I seriously can't focus on any sort of school work. Why am I so excited you might ask?

I GOT ACCEPTED TO NOTRE DAME!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am now officially going to grad school...and at an amazing school nonetheless. I just finished going around to tell the professors who wrote my letters of recommendation the happy news. I feel like I'm floating on a cloud, that is how happy I am.

Dr. Smith told me he is looking forward to having me as a colleague, and that I'll be getting a better education than he did. Amazing. It's so nice to have all my hard work pay off!

I'm not sure yet exactly what my package will be at Notre Dame. Dr. Kelly (the professor I'll be working with if I go there) said she is applying for special funding for me and trying to get me as much money as possible. At the least I'll get the usual package given to grad students. At Notre Dame that package includes full tuition remission and a 15,000$ stipend!!!! Holy shit, and the special funding would be more than that.

I am just so incredibly happy. Ecstatic, really.

I probably should call a couple of the other schools I applied to that are lower on my list and tell them no thanks. I don't want to hog up a spot at another school from someone else anxiously waiting for it. I will wait to hear from University of Florida though, as it is probably just about the only school that could compete.

Wahooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

11:34 pm: Extremely brief update...
My computer is working again. Yay!

I'm going to three different states within the next fifteen days for grad school interviews: Iowa, Indiana, and Florida. I'm excited and nervous to travel alone. Hopefully the interviews go well. All three schools have great programs (Iowa State, Notre Dame, and University of Florida). As such, I'm only going to be at SU for five of the next fifteen days.

The Olympics have started. I'm a big fan.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Tim and I are celebrating it on Wednesday night (before I leave for the aiport early Thursday morning). I still have to get his gifts together. Why must guys be so hard to buy for?

Well, that's it for now. I'm sure I'm leaving at least a few things out of the update, but oh well. I'm going to bed early for once. Night folks.

01:44 pm: A brief summary of my life...
My computer isn't working. The CPU fan needs to be replaced in order to get it up and running again. Right now it just overheats and shuts down. Fabulous.

Iowa State is paying 200$ of my 280$ ticket to fly me out there for an interview. Amazing. A little over two weeks from now I'll be on a plane. I'm nervous but really excited.

University of Florida wants to set up a phone interview. I'm in the process of getting that done. We'll see how it goes.

Some drunken idiot (well I'm assuming they were drunk) apparently smashed their SUV into one of the stone walls by the entrance near the library. I walked past it last night and got so irritated. People can be so freaking irresponsible.

Tim surprised me with eight gorgeous roses recently. He's so sweet sometimes. Unfortunately he is having trouble getting into his new apartment. The rennovations continue to not be completed on time.

I have my first exam of the semester tomorrow. I'm not excited.

I met Jennie's boyfriend yesterday. He's cute and seems like a really nice guy. They make a nice couple.

There are a few people I still haven't seen/hung out with yet this semester. I need to get on that. Unfortunately without AIM, organizing such get togethers is hard to do.

Well, that is basically all I have to say for now. Later gators.

03:17 pm: Iowa, here I come!
Hearing back from grad schools is really exciting. So far I've heard from Southern Illinois and Iowa State. The four applications with deadlines of Jan 10th or 15th I don't expect to hear from for a few weeks yet.

Anyways, this morning I talked to one of the professors from Iowa State. He was a really nice guy and we seemed to hit it off well. I felt surprisingly comfortable talking to him. I learned that Iowa State gives 100% tuition remission and a 12,000 dollar stipend to its students. Sweet! So all I'd have to pay are a few fees each year...not to mention that the 12 grand is for nine months and not the whole year. I feel a lot more positively towards the school after the phone call.

So Dr. Vogel invited me to come to Iowa for an interview day on either Feb. 10th or 17th. The school will provide transportation to and from the airport and I can stay either with a grad student or in the university hotel for free. The school will also cover some of the cost of my airline ticket...he wasn't sure exactly how much but said probably around a hundred bucks or so. I'm super excited! I'm going to Iowa!! For someone who hasn't been any farther west than Susquehanna, this is exciting news.

I'm waiting to her the details about an open house at Southern Illinois as well. Having my applications responded to so positively is a huge relief, though terrifying at the same time. This really will happen. I'm going to move to another part of the country to go to grad school. Wow.

Grad school interviews and open houses seem to fall on mondays and fridays mostly...so I may end up missing quite a few classes this semester. Frankly, I couldn't care less!

Well that's all for now. I'm too pumped to bother updating about the rest of my life...haha.

06:51 pm: Finallyyyyyyyyyy...
MY GRAD SCHOOL APPLICATIONS ARE DONE!!!!!!!


Ha, ok sorry for the caps. I'm just soooooooo happy I'm finished. The last three were priority mailed thursday at 12:15. Thank goodness!

Of course now that means I spend the next month or two waiting and wondering where I might end up...

Anyways, I'm still too excited to worry about acceptances and rejections yet. Today I finally got to be a slacker for the first time in about four and a half months. I slept in, went to lunch with my dad (which was really nice), read the first book in The Chronicles of Narnia, and started learning some more chords on my guitar. I had to cut off my nails in order to really start learning to play...now my fingertips are sore. They never used to touch anything, hah.

Next weekend Tim is moving to his new apartment. I'm going to help. I'm pretty excited for the new place! It is being completely rennovated and should be really nice. I have to say I'm going to be a little sad to leave the old place though. Tim and I spent fifteen months there...it is chockful of memories. I know the move is for the better. Tim is definitely looking forward to not having roommates anymore and it has been fun helping him shop for furniture and such. I feel like it is a preview for when I get my own apartment during grad school. Furniture is freaking expensive though!

Anyways, that is what is happening lately. I'm just soooooooo happy I can finally relax.

04:23 pm: Thoughts for the new year...
So last night I couldn't get to sleep because I was suddenly hit with the fact that I have no idea where I'll be at this time next year. I could be in Illinois or Florida or a bunch of different states. Most likely I won't be in PA or NJ, and I feel good about that. Well, except for Tim. I'm still visiting him from New Year's, which was great because I finally got to kiss someone I love at midnight, and last night I kept looking at him sleeping next to me and wondering what will happen. We have gotten super close over the last few months and he was my biggest support through all the chaos of last semester. We really love eachother. Yet, I don't want to give up grad school to stay in PA for him. I've worked my whole life to establish myself and getting my doctorate is something I really want to do. I suppose he could move to wherever I end up. We haven't talked about it much, but I think leaving him behind will potentially be the hardest part of going to grad school. I try to take the mentality that if we are meant to be it will work out. If not, it was an amazing experience that I wouldn't change for anything in the world. I know that no matter what we'll stay good friends at least.

I'll be done all my grad school applications by the end of the week. Then I have to just sit back and wait to hear from the schools. That is a scary thought.

Hopefully my last semester at SU will be great. At least my craziest semester is behind me. The past year definitely had ups and downs. End of junior was pretty crappy but I had an amazing summer at camp. Being with Tim has been great too, even with the occassional argument. This past semester Jennie and I got really close again and my suitemates all turned out to be awesome, though there were a few other friends I've drifted away from somewhat. Hopefully I'll get to spend plenty of time with the people I care about this semester.

I don't have any hardcore resolutions for the new year. I want to get back in shape, which will be accomplished through fitness class and finding a hip hop class to take, not to mention Tim getting his own treadmill. I want to finish out college with good grades but my real focus will be having a good time and enjoying the end of my college experience.

Ok well I've procrastinated enough. Time to go work on my last few grad applications.

05:45 pm: An amazing start to break...
So I finished the semester and couldn't be happier to be on break! My break has started off really well actually. I stayed at SU Thursday night because of the snow storm but got to hang out with Jennie, Andrea, Jenna, Jordan, and a bunch of other peeps. It was actually a really fun time. We found this really tasty blue raspberry vodka at the liquor store and I became a happily contemplative drunk. I remember standing on the porch of Theta at one point, watching the snow fall and just thinking how beautiful it was. Yeah, it was a nice night. I'm gonna miss Jennie over break, but at least we have a couple classes together next semester. Andrea wound up getting sick at the end of the night, which wasn't so fun, but we think it had something to do with her lactose intolerance and the cheese she had for dinner. Next semester I'm planning to live it up with the girls.

I spent the weekend with Tim, which is always nice. He had some of my Christmas presents for me already. I got the most amazing present ever!!! Ready for this? He gave me an electric guitar!!!!!!! It is gorgeous and I'm psyched to continue learning how to play. Tim had been teaching me a little bit this semester on one of his guitars and I really liked it. The best part about the gift is that it was so thoughtful. I never would have asked for a guitar, they are too much money for me to afford, but Tim saw how much I liked playing and just took it upon himself to get me one. He also gave me a carrying bag and this adorable little blue amp. I'm ready to rock out! Haha.

I feel a little bad that Tim spent so much money on me...since I can't afford the same kind of a gift for him. He knows that though and is totally cool with it. With him, its the thought that counts. Apparently he has more presents coming for me, that we'll exchange when I go visit him on New Year's weekend. I already miss him.

Well now that I'm home I should get to work on my grad school applications. I'll get them off before the deadline...I'm just so burned out from the semester that I don't feel the same rush to get them out as I did earlier. As long as they get there in time, I'm happy.

Tonight I'm going to eat Chinese food and be a bum. I may do a little grad school work, we'll see. Later kids!

09:27 am: Ughhhh...
Four...more...days...

I just want this semester to end and break to begin.

Now if only I didn't have a portfolio and independent research paper to write in the next four days...

02:32 pm: There is a light at the end of the tunnel...
I think I'm ready to send my first grad school application. I asked my advisor to read through my personal statement and summary of professional experience one last time before I mail it off tomorrow. It will be a huge relief to have that done.

Dr. Fincke seemed to like what I had of my second essay so far. I still need to add to it but I feel like it is moving in the right direction. I also made plans to meet with Dr. Fincke again on monday to go over a new draft of my first essay. I figured that will put enough pressure on me that I'll actually write it this weekend. At least I hope so.

One more week till freedom. I can't waittttttttttttttttttttttttttt!

Andrea turns 21 tonight! Awww the little youngin is all grown up...haha. I'm gonna go to her birthday shindig tonight at BJ's...though I have to go a little late cause of work.

So far today I've been really productive. If I keep up this pace for the rest of the day I'll be very happy tonight. Later folks. Good luck to everyone on getting everything done!

04:13 pm: I'm tired of college. I'm more than ready to graduate. The classes, the cafeteria food, the whole scene is just getting old.

07:42 pm: Ha! So true...

Pure Nerd 86 % Nerd, 4% Geek, 17% Dork

For The Record: A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions. You scored better than half in Nerd, earning you the title of: Pure Nerd. The times, they are a-changing. It used to be that being exceptionally smart led to being unpopular, which would ultimately lead to picking up all of the traits and tendences associated with the "dork." No-longer. Being smart isn't as socially crippling as it once was, and even more so as you get older: eventually being a Pure Nerd will likely be replaced with the following label: Purely Successful. Congratulations! Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in any of the following: Buffy the Vampire Slayer Professional Wrestling Love & Sexuality America/Politics Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 97% on nerdiness You scored higher than 1% on geekosity You scored higher than 15% on dork points

Link: The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test written by donathos on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

09:25 pm: Happy Thanksgiving...
I'm sitting here updating right now with my favorite cat, Tiger, curled up in my lap. Awwwwww how cute. I really miss being around pets when I'm at school. I've pretty much adopted Tim's two cats, but I think I'd like to get my own pet in the next couple years. Hopefully whatever my living situation is in grad school, that will be a possibility.

This morning I ate my grandmother's fabulous pumpkin pie for breakfast. It is by far one of my favorite traditions.

I can't really update too much as I need to leave for dinner in like ten minutes. I did come up with a new idea for my literary journalism essay though. I think I'm going to take part in a 5k walk/run for charity called the Turkey Trot. It will surely be a new experience...I'm definitely not the long race kind of girl. Hopefully it goes well.

Well perhaps I'll write more later. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

03:53 pm: A mini update!
Well I don't have much time before I have to head off to the Jill McCorkle session but I figured I'd make a brief update. I seriously never have time for live journal anymore. I don't usually even get to read other people's entries, let alone write my own.

I just met with my research supervisor, Dr. Martin, for two solid hours to work on my data analysis. That entailed two hours of playing with vast amounts of data in excel worksheets and then doing statistical analysis with the help of a computer program. By the time I left my head was practically spinning. Statistics are just crazy sometimes. You have to know what type of test to use to get the results you are looking for AND you need to know how to use the various computer programs to run the test. Just thinking about it is giving me a headache. Moving on...

Tomorrow morning I have to take the GRE psychology test. I'm not especially looking forward to it. It takes almost three hours to complete...and let me tell you, that is a long ass time to be answering multiple choice questions. The practice tests I've taken I've done pretty well on, but I'm always completely drained by the end. Anyways, wish me luck! I won't know my score until four to six weeks after I take the test though.

I made some decent progress on grad school applications this week. I compiled and handed out recommendation packets to all of the professors writing letters of recommendation for me. That took FOREVER!!! Nevertheless, it is done. I also requested the GRE score reports I need and my transcripts from SU. Things are coming along, slowly but surely.

I need to write my personal statement sometime in the next four or five days. I've been avoiding that task like the plague. I hate writing essays that are essentially just your chance to brag about how amazing you are. It is a necessary evil I suppose.

I can't wait to see Tim tonight. I really miss him. I've found myself missing him more and more the last few weeks. He's been really amazing when I'm stressed out or sick. Last weekend I had to wake him up at 5:30 am to find me some painkillers for the horrendous cramps I'd gotten. He did it without a single complaint, and then stayed awake to stroke my hair to help me get back to sleep. He is a real sweetheart sometimes.

Well I better get going. This will be my third time hearing Jill McCorkle speak. I really like her writing and she's a nice woman, but geesh...enough is enough.

Later kids. Hope everyone has a nice weekend!

06:54 pm: I never get a chance to update anymore. I don't have time to do it tonight either. Perhaps some time this week I'll squeak in a real update on my life. We shall see...

08:22 pm: Busy, busy, busy
Break has been great so far. I really needed some time to destress, without so many time restrictions. The two weeks before break were seriously insane for me. I was putting in 12 or 13 hours days on a regular basis. No wonder I've been so exhausted.

I actually feel like I got a decent amount accomplished today. I watched a movie for my practicum, did a bunch of grad school research (I think my list of schools may change a bit), and took a practice GRE psych test. The psych test was ridiculously hard. I mean I've done well in all of my psych courses and I'm a good student, and there were still a bunch of questions on things I've never even heard of. Crazy. I definitely have some studying to do for that test. Surprisingly my score wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be. I have to get back into the whole standardized testing groove...ugh. Oh well, I have about a month to prepare. Hopefully I'll get enough done in that time to get a good score.

I need to go start cooking dinner soon. I'm making homemade macaroni and cheese, yum! I actually like cooking. I never get to do it when I'm at school and it is sort of therapeutic. I wouldn't want to do it every meal but once in a while its nice. Gosh, I feel so domestic.

Tomorrow I have a bunch more work to catch up on. As long as I keep being productive I should be ok. I can't wait for the semester to end and my grad school apps to be done.

It would be fabulous if break were just a day or two longer.

Well, thats all folks. Peace.

08:04 pm: What has SU come to?
I feel like SU is going downhill fast. All the crap that has been happening lately with racism just makes me feel all that much stronger about SU's decline. It seems like SU is becoming a place for rich, racist brats. Not the kind of people I want to associate with. I can't believe some of the letters that have been printed in the crusader. That someone would criticize people for eavesdropping but not for being racist jerks is just insane. Ugh. I don't even want to continue thinking about this or I'll just get more and more irritated.

Today at java city I was behind a prospective student and her parents in line. For a second I had the strongest urge to tell them not to come here...that they wouldn't be happy unless money was of no concern and they were secretly racist. BUT then the prospective turns around and she is practically plastered in makeup. All I could think was that she'll fit right in. So many people here seem so superficial. I don't understand the need to dress up in makeup, heels, and a mini skirt for class. You don't need to look like a skank to learn, you need to have a functioning brain.

Ok, so this entry is a bit cranky but I'm on my period, what can I say? If I had to choose an undergrad school again though...with the way SU is now...I really don't think I would choose here. Needless to say I'm feeling ready to move on. I'm never here on the weekends and still I'm getting sick of SU. Don't get me wrong, the psych department is great and I've gotten a good education...but I'm definitely ready to move on.

Well I'd better go get back to work. I'm always busy. Since this is SU though, perhaps I'd better go put on a skirt and do my hair and makeup first. Blah!

11:50 am: I seriously forget that I have this journal sometimes. I swear,I'm always so freaking busy this semester.

Anyways, this weekend I keep having crazy mood swings. Right now I'm in a great mood, but an hour ago I was cranky as can be. Aren't periods fun?

I'm going to go watch the original Ghostbusters movie once I finish writing this entry. I think it will help inspire me to change the ending to my essay. If nothing else I can probably find away to write about feeling the need to go back and see the movie again...or something like that.

Tonight I'm taking Tim out for a birthday dinner at Benihana. I am probably more excited about it than he is though...haha. I absolutely love teppanyaki, which is known by Americans as hibachi cooking. I remember going for the first time when I was like eight and I've been hooked ever since. Tim, on the other hand, has never been. Hopefully he'll really like it too.

I need to get cracking on my immersion essay as well. I don't have anything scheduled tomorrow because my practicum site is closed for Columbus day, so it is going to be chock full of writing. I need a day to just do work more than anything.

Ok I guess that is about it. Not a very exciting entry, I know. Later kids.

12:06 am: If only the world didn't revolve around money...
I'm TIRED of being poor. Very tired. I found out from my mom tonight that my dad is basically going to be out of work again in about a week (until january). The county he works for only has him approved for part time work, and since he worked five days a week for a couple months he has used up the maximum number of hours a part time employee can work in one year. It is some dumb rule made up by the union. I know it is meant to prevent people from being exploited by their employers, but in our case it is just keeping us from our second source of income. So basically things at home are going to get tough financially. My mom will still have her teaching salary but that will once again have to pay for everything. I have no idea what my dad plans to do with the three months or so he'll be basically unemployed.

Once again, I'm damn tired of being poor. I feel like my checking account has been draining rapidly this semester, as I've yet to get paid from my work study job. I have added expenses with grad school applications, each of which has an application fee, not to mention the fees for transcripts and GRE scores being sent. The GRE Psych is going to cost me 130 smackers. Heaven forbid these schools want to interview me, I'll have to find the money to make those trips.

I just feel so frustrated I could cry. I just want to be comfortable financially, is that so much to ask? I don't want to be rich. I just don't want to always have to worry about money. My family has been struggling since I was like a sophomore or junior in highschool.

SU has gotten too damn expensive. I'll be glad to stop my downward spiral into debt once I graduate and hopefully start attending a grad school that will pay ME to go there.

Oh and the scholarship that I usually get of 200 bucks for books doesn't look like it is going to pan out this year. They are claiming they don't have a record of my application being turned in, though I'm pretty sure I did it. Grrrrrr.

Ok I'm done bitching. I need sleep. Hopefully I don't have any nightmares about being poor.

08:48 pm: Feels good to be productive...
I surprised myself by actually getting a lot accomplished at work tonight. I've completed my human subjects form, which is neccessary in order to get approval to do my independent research. I also made up my consent form and demographic information form. I feel like my research is really rolling along. That makes me happy :)

Tomorrow during the day I basically have nothing. I'm going to stop by my professor's office hours to see if he has any revisions to the forms and maybe go to the library to find a book on drug and alcohol addiction. This internship has made me want to learn more about the types of problems the clients have. I'm apparently going to get to do my own intake/evaluation with a client in the next couple weeks sometime. That is a scary thought. Reading up will only make the internship that much more of a good experience. It helps to have a clue about the people you are working with.

I had my conference with Dr. Fincke this morning too. He seems to be open to my topic, and I think once I really get the chance to sit down and write some more it will start to come together. All I really have so far is five or so pages of rough scenes I think I want to include.

Tonight I'm going to the bar! It has been such a stressful week, I am more than ready to kick back and have some wings and a few beers. Only another hour or so left that I have to spend sober...haha.